DATE: February 2007
TITLE: Knowing You
AUTHOR: losingntrnslatn (LosingInTranslation,
Jennifer)
DISCLAIMER: Don’t own
anything associated with the show… I just like playing with the characters in
it from time to time. Dance Monkeys! Dance!
RATING: NC-17 (Yeah, that means Porn/Smut)
PAIRINGS: GSR to the
Max
SPOILERS: Takes place
in some nebulous piece of time between the start of their relationship, but
before the Sabbatical insanity.
SUMMARY: His greatest
fear and biggest wish…was to be known. Smut-A-Thon 2007 Entry
A/N: Double beta thanks
to my longtime compatriot, and the return of the other wielder of the Red Pen
of Doom
Knowing You
There were
many things that he had learned about her over the years, all through casual
moments that might have passed by unnoticed.
Might have, had he not held onto each and every one as though he were
holding onto the golden threads of time. Before, those little moments were all
he had… all he would allow himself to have. Now, he had her; in his arms, in
his bed, in his life. And those moments, they continued to grow into the
tapestry that made up her life. He was determined to gather up all of those
moments and wrap himself in them for the rest of their days.
Lately,
those moments always seemed follow a display of passion between them, as they
lay in each others arms, taking warmth and comfort in their shared embrace.
After the
first time they made love, they discussed the culture shock she had experienced
moving from Northern California to
“I’m
serious, Gil… She looked like a cross between a middle-aged, eighties era
Madonna wannabe with those gauzy gauntlets, and some kind of reject from an
Ascot race in the Artic with that quilted upholstery looking, twisted fruit
bowl of a hat.” He had always loved seeing her on a roll, but the way she went
off on the woman’s appearance made his heart swell with a pride he had rarely
allowed himself the pleasure of feeling. She simply had a knack for always
bringing it out in him.
The second
time they had made love he had learned of her disastrous history with the time
honored tradition of the blind date. Once again she had him in stitches as she
told him about the one with the guy who was so unbelievably anal retentive that
she was fairly certain he had numbered, tagged and catalogued each hair on his
head and created his part using complex trigonometry equations to be sure there
was not a single abnormality. He snickered when she rolled her eyes as she went
off about the “retarded, redneck, racist, reprobate”
that a friend in grad school had claimed would be perfect for her. But his
greatest delight had come from her depiction of the double date from hell,
where a friend had used her to keep another guy’s roommate distracted while she
made time with that other guy. She went into great detail describing his
complete lack of grooming, ambition, intelligence, ego, ethics, and any
resemblance whatsoever to a real human being.
When she
caught him still smiling after her little stories, she wanted to know what he
was thinking about. “Just that I am incredibly grateful to
your friends.”
“Why is
that?” she asked from her perch on his chest.
“Well, if
they had been any good at fixing you up… I never would have had a chance.” He
was well rewarded for his insight, which led to another casual moment following
their third coupling.
And so it
went over the course of their fledgling relationship; they made love and they
had these casual conversations in which he continued to learn about the amazing
creature that had found her way into his arms and his heart. However, he
quickly discerned that most of what he was learning could be seen as nothing
more than trivial facts about her life: her true past, the reality of her
life…that was still a mystery to him.
As they
worked through the tedious process of documenting the money recovered from a
botched kidnap case, he tried to occupy his mind by solving the riddle of why
she had yet to open up to him about anything of substance in a very long time. He
thought that he had done his best to make her feel comfortable around him, that
he had shown her with his actions that he cared for her, and so he was still at
a loss as to why she was still holding back in their most intimate moments.
When she
paused her photographing to pull a stray lock of hair out of her face, he
smiled at the sight, and she caught him. “What?”
“Nothing
really… I was just thinking.” And he would have left it at that, had she not
set the camera down and crossed her arms in front of her. He knew that she was
waiting, and her patience for waiting seemed to outweigh his anymore, so he was
well aware of his chances. “Seeing you do that, it just reminded me of
something…about your first day in Vegas.”
He became
lost in the blush that suddenly rose in her cheeks, and simply forgot where
they were when he went on to explain, “I knew it was you before I even turned
around, and when I saw you there with that smile on your face, it was like
someone had just lifted a huge weight off of my soul. It was in that one moment
that I knew why I had asked you to come to Vegas, and your abilities as a CSI
were barely half of it.” He quickly looked away from her gaze so that he could
finally say what had taken him seven years to get out. “I needed you. Your
smile, your spirit, your talent, your uncanny way of
always getting past the shields I put up.
No matter how hard I tried, it always came back to that one fact… I
needed you. I always have.”
When he
was finished he was sure he had crossed a line, but more importantly, he was
afraid of her reaction. He waited for her to say something, and when there was
no response, he looked up to see her back at work processing the bills. He had
expected fireworks, but instead he received professionalism and quiet.
They
worked through the rest of their shift as though nothing had happened. He would
steal a look her way from time to time, just to see if there was any
discernable reaction to what he had said, but he found none. As he sat in the
supervisor’s meeting after shift, his mind kept drifting back to the
revelation, and why she had not reacted to it in any way.
After the
meeting, Catherine had given him a disapproving glare before she said, “You
know… I realize these meetings aren’t your thing, but if you can bother to show
up, the least you could do is keep from nodding off.”
“I did
not nod off… I just have something else on my mind.”
“Whatever…
Just don’t forget to sign those overtime reports before you head home.” She
looked down at her watch and hissed, “Damnit… I gotta get out of here. I have some conference at Lindsey’s
school.” Without another word Catherine was on her way.
He
finished up the overtime reports, fed his spider her weekly cricket feast,
misted the plant on his filing cabinet and got ready to head back to his empty
townhouse. Tuesdays were always his worst day of the week. The weekly
supervisor’s meeting, the paperwork that had to be done for payroll, and case
file reviews were all done on Tuesday mornings. He never knew when he would get
out of the lab, so they had long since accepted that the day was always going
to be a wash, and he would go home alone.
Putting
his key into the lock, he exhaled sharply before turning the knob and
reluctantly pushing open the door to his townhouse. The moment he brought his
eyes up to look down the hall he was confused by what he found.
The whole
place was completely dark: completely dark, except for the glow that seemed to
be emanating from the kitchen. Normally, a glow coming from a kitchen was a
source of great alarm, but the sounds that accompanied the glow told him that
it was benign.
“Damnit!” When he rounded the corner his
eyes instantly told him why she was so frustrated. With a bottle of wine wedged
firmly between her long and slender legs, Sara stood with the corkscrew in her
hands, and only a small portion of the cork hanging from the end of it. She
looked up the moment he started to chuckle. “Damnit! It should’ve taken you at least another
forty-five minutes with that stack on your desk.”
He worked
to stifle the laughter that the look on her face was bringing out in him as he
walked toward her. “Yes, well, I cheated.” He held out his hands for the bottle
and the corkscrew.
She
reluctantly handed them over when she asked, “How’d you do that?”
He
carefully worked to remove the last of the cork and shrugged when he answered,
“Simply, really… I just left most of it for Catherine to do tonight.”
She
screwed up her mouth as she fought the laughter his comment elicited. “You
know, I am suddenly very happy that I’m not working tonight.”
After he
retrieved the rest of the cork he looked back at the table and found the source
of the glow with the flickering candles laid out there. “So,
what’s ah…the occasion?”
She took
everything from his hands and shrugged as she moved back to the counter when
she said, “No occasion… I just thought it might be nice to do something
different for a change.”
“While I
appreciate the thought, we have be-”
“Do me a favor, and take these to the table please?” She handed
him back the bottle, along with a pair of wine glasses, but it was the look on
her face that truly caused his breath to catch in his throat. If he were
pressed to pick a single word for that look, smoldering would always be the
word he chose.
“Ah…yeah, sure.” He turned away before he became lost in her warm brown
eyes. When he finally reached the table, he found a full spread of cheeses and
fruits, but what delighted him more than anything was the small plate of smoked
meats arranged into little sandwiches sitting on one side of the table.
“Okay,
now I know I didn’t have anything like this in the house… Where’d you ge-”
“I
stopped by that little international market you like on my way over. When I was getting the cheese, Sal showed me
that stuff and I asked him to make up a little combo for you.” She came up
behind him and used her hands on his hips to push him towards his seat. “I went
with the smoked salmon and some soda crackers for me.” They both sat down at
the same time and she said, “I might not be much of a cook, but I am at least
capable of taking something out of a box.”
He took
her hand for a moment and squeezed it as he said, “There are no complaints
here… Thank you.” She squeezed back and held his gaze. “I was not expecting any
of this, and frankly, I needed it.”
“Well, I
have to admit…this was mostly selfish.” As he raised an eyebrow to question her
statement, he delighted in the slight blush that appeared on her face. “I ah,
got tired of sleeping alone on Tuesdays.”
He
grinned at the tone of her voice and the implication of her words. As they
proceeded to eat the meal she had prepared for them, he thought about what she
said. They had been moving along on autopilot for months, never deviating from
their patterns. One day at the townhouse, the next at her apartment, shared
days off were usually spent either out of town or curled up on one of their
couches in between bouts of passion, and Tuesdays were spent apart. He really
hated Tuesdays.
Just as
that thought went through his mind, he remembered something she had said
earlier. “You have tonight off?”
Her mouth
instantly screwed up into that delightful expression he had always found
completely irresistible. She got up from the table and started to clear the
dishes, but she did not answer him.
Her lack
of an answer puzzled him, and he wondered just when she had requested the night off. When he got up from the
table, he took the empty bottle of wine and the last of the cheese with him
into the kitchen. “Sara… When did you request tonight off?”
She kept
her back to him as she rinsed off the dishes, and still she was quiet.
After he
placed the cheese into a sealed container and dropped it into the fridge, he
became determined to get an answer. He walked up behind her and placed his
hands atop her shoulders. “Sara?”
She
sighed at the contact and stopped rinsing out the wine glass for a moment
before she finally said, “I told Catherine I needed the night off before she
went into the meeting this morning.”
He shook
his head not knowing why she would have done that, knowing that he had already
taken the night off. They had both decided to keep their relationship out of
work, even though it was often difficult, they were convinced it would only
make things even more complicated. “What reason did you give?”
She
shrugged as she looked back at him and said, “I didn’t. She said I had some personal time I needed to
use before I lost it anyway.” She turned around to face him and put her hands
on his waist when she said, “Don’t worry.
She told me make sure I got some sleep while I was off…because she
thinks that new boyfriend of mine needs to give me a break.” He immediately
tensed at the mention of a boyfriend and then she kissed his chin before she
continued with, “And she said she wants to meet him, because she has money in
the pool on what he looks like.”
Slowly, a
satisfied grin crept into the corner of his mouth and he wrapped his arms
around her and said, “I wonder why I didn’t know about this pool.” The waggle
of his eyebrows elicited the most endearing giggle from the woman in his arms,
and it made him smile outright.
“Yeah,
because how many people would have bet on a brooding, silver haired, clean
shaven, slimmed down, deliciously handsome specimen of manhood?” She kissed him
full on that time and he savored every second of it.
As she
pulled away, he thought about her description. “What do you mean, ‘brooding?’”
She
giggled again and kissed his slightly protruding bottom lip. “Did I say
brooding? Maybe I should have said pouting.”
The feel
of her body pressed into his was enough to distract him from any further
rational thought, and the touch of her lips on his, along with the heat that
generated between them was more than enough to occupy every brain cell in his
head.
He looked
down into her eyes, and poured every ounce of his desire for her into his gaze.
Finally, he could wait no longer and lowered his lips onto hers, fervently
hoping that his actions told her everything he had never been able to say with
words.
She
gladly accepted his kiss and invited him in further as her lips parted,
allowing his tongue access to taste her fully. Sweet, tender and undeniably
precious were those first moments between them, the moments before the hunger
took over his carefully tended control and he became the primal man that he had
long feared would emerge.
The most
treasured part of his newfound relationship with the amazing being in his
embrace was that she delighted in his loss of control, and even encouraged it.
In the beginning, he had worried that he was losing more than his tightly held
control, that he was losing his self respect, but she never held it over him or
took advantage of his vulnerability in those moments. She seemed to simply
understand his concerns and needs, and left it at that. Soon, he found that he
no longer worried about losing control, because he trusted her. He trusted her
more than he had ever trusted another living soul. And that trust made every
moment with her precious to him.
With her
hands roaming over his back, he broke his hold on her mouth and left her
gasping for air as he started to kiss his way down her neck. She held onto him
as his body pressed her into the kitchen counter, and as he had made his way to
the crook of her neck, he decided that they needed a change of scenery.
There was
a tiny yelp of surprise as he lifted her into his arms, her legs dangling
barely an inch from the floor. Once the surprise was gone, she pulled herself
to him with her arms around his neck and then drew her legs up to wrap tightly around
his waist as he turned them out of the kitchen.
The
journey to the bedroom seemed to last forever, but he used the time to his
advantage as his mouth tasted every inch of her that it could reach. It was
during times like this that he would find himself unable to get close enough to
her. Fortunately, he found that she felt much the same way, and they both
feverishly worked to close that perceived distance between them with their
hands and their lips.
When they
finally reached the bed, they unceremoniously fell into the mattress, still
wrapped up with each other. With his weight pressed into her, he had
effectively trapped her in his embrace. He pulled open her shirt and brought
his lips down to the flushed and tender skin resting over her sternum. He was
determined to kiss each and every freckled centimeter of flesh he could, as he
furiously worked to remove her shirt.
Any
semblance of control he might have had before was wiped away when they were
together this way. With the feel of her body beneath him, the press of her long
fingers into his flesh, the sensation of her heated breath passing over his
skin, he lost himself in her, in their coupling, in the passion of those
precious moments. And in that passion there was always a sense of urgency.
Working
with that urgency, he quickly removed her clothes, tossing them onto the floor
behind him as he stripped her. When he looked back on her bare body his breath
caught in his throat. She lay before him in full glory, filled with the same
desire that fueled his own fires, simply waiting for him, just as she had
always done.
He was
overcome with his need for her and his lips crushed into hers, desperate for
the connection of their bodies in anyway he could get. As his mouth continued
to assault hers, she worked her slender fingers into his hair and encouraged
him to deepen their connection. However, his baser self had already begun to
take control of his actions and he took her hands into his and moved them to
rest above her head.
He sat up
and broke the contact of their lips, his breathing coming in short, impassioned
pants as he looked down at her writhing form. He took one of her hands and
brought it up to his lips, where he kissed into her palm, before he returned it
to lay with the other. But that time his lips followed the arms, as he laid
gentle kisses onto each of her wrists.
With one
hand, he held her arms at the wrists in place above her head and began to kiss
his way down the length of her right arm. When he reached the elbow, the
proximity to her face was too much, and he began to trail his lips down from
her temple to her cheek and lips, as his fingers glided down the rest of her
arm to her side.
He
delighted in the fact that his gentle touch had caused gooseflesh to rise where
it passed over her skin. With the backs of his fingers, he tickled over each
rib at her side, and then he brought his hand over to run his warm, calloused
palms across the skin below her bare breasts. His thumb instinctively grazed
the underside of her breast, bringing a stuttered whimper from Sara’s throat
and touching something deep inside of his soul.
When his
lips finally left hers to descend upon her chest, his other hand released her
wrists. He gripped her with both hands, just beneath the arms and lifted her further
up onto the bed, as he crawled up with her, his mouth never losing contact with
her delicate flesh. Once they were in the center of the bed, his mouth
continued its southward journey until it reached its first goal, and he
enveloped one of her nipples with his kiss-swollen lips. Her back arched into
him with the feel of his heated mouth devouring her breast.
The
guttural moans that escaped Sara’s throat told him that he was on the right
path, and so he devoted equal attention to the other breast, as his free hand
sought out other playgrounds. He ran his thick hands up under her back and down
to the tender swell of her ass where he laid claim to flesh with a firm squeeze
as he pulled her closer to him.
His mouth
was suddenly overcome with wanderlust, and it began its descent to her belly,
which elicited further moans from the delightful woman under his ministrations.
He traced each line of definition with his tongue, stopping to kiss each
freckle and dip over her stomach as he went along. When he began to near his
destination, he could feel his shirt becoming tangled under his arms and he sat
straight up as he ripped the shirt open, pulled it off with great force and
threw into the unknown without any regard to its condition. As he quickly
lowered himself back to her body, he found that she was trembling, and he moved
back to her face to offer her a kiss of reassurance; to further demonstrate to
her his promise of love. She melted into the kiss and he knew that she was
content in his display.
His
confidence returned in full force, and he immediately went back to his
southerly wanderings. When he finally reached the top of her thighs, he was
overcome with his adoration of her long, luscious legs, and he trailed his lips
down the entire length of her right leg, stopping at the ankle to pay proper
tribute to the magnificence of its beauty with his kisses and the press of his
bare cheek into the delicious and tender flesh he found there. Her legs had
long been an altar at which he longed to worship for many years, and for him to
have that privilege never ceased to amaze and thrill him.
Once
proper tribute had been paid to her marvelous legs, Grissom’s hunger for her
other marvels took over his thoughts and drives once again. His ascent along
the inside of her left leg with his lips was slow, but worth every agonizing
moment, as he could feel the tension rising beneath her flesh and between his
own legs. He stopped himself when he reached the center of her thigh, and drew
in a deep and calming breath. The trouble came when the air that entered
through his nostrils carried with it her natural scent and the evidence of her
intense arousal.
Grissom
had long been a fan of the natural scents of man (and especially woman), but it
was not until he had accepted Sara into his life that he had come to treasure
it with the same regard he gave to the likes of Shakespeare and Darwin. To him,
she smelled of pure and decadent delights, like sweet cream and cinnamon, like
cotton candy, like the most exquisite divinity. It was a scent that, once
within his reach, caused him to become undeniably lost in her.
Normally,
he would have already delved into that delicious and cherished part of her
center, preparing her for his onslaught. But this time was different. This was his chance to show her how precious
and sacred she was to him. He planned to do everything in his power to please
and worship her in the act of their coupling. He had already told her that he
needed her, and now he needed to prove it to her, beyond a shadow of a doubt.
With his
cheek pressed firmly along the inside of her thigh, he glided his way to the
junction of her legs. When he came to the breech, he slid his hands along the
outside of her thighs and then down her hips to slip in underneath her ass,
giving himself all of the access and leverage he would need for his next move.
He felt
the tension build even higher within her and it caused a sly grin to appear at
the corner of his mouth. She was more than ready for him, but he had one last
stall tactic to build her up further. He brought his lips together and gently
blew his breath over her hypersensitive flesh, sending a million shivers up
through her already quivering body, and eliciting the most pitiful simpering
from the beautiful creature in his grasp.
Finally,
the anticipation became too much, and he surged forward, bringing his mouth to
close over the apex of her folds, his tongue immediately darting out to caress
her sensitive nub. It quickly became evident that his grip on her was of dire
importance as she instantly bucked at the contact. Before long, the
ministrations of his lips and tongue had her writhing about in a rhythmic
thrashing, forcing him to hold her tightly to his face.
It took
every ounce of his now-strained control to not give into his baser needs as she
began to climax under the power of his voracious appetite for her. Her whimpers
were transformed into moans and gasps, with his name tied to each one, and
fueled his desire for her even more.
With her
pleading whimpers assaulting his ears, the moment arrived when he could no
longer hold himself back. He sucked her nub into his mouth once more, lightly
grazing it through his teeth before he finally released her and stood up from
the bed. He had left his own pants on to act as a reminder and an inhibitor,
but their usefulness was indeed at an end. He made very quick work of the pants
and tossed them, along with his shorts to some unknown place behind him. They
no longer served any purpose, and he was focused solely on the still quivering
beauty before him.
He knelt
on the bed and crawled his way back to the object of his desire, kissing and
nibbling a trail back to her lips, until his body was once again covering hers.
With his solid weight pressing her into the bed, he propped himself up with his
elbows and then captured her mouth in a passionate and highly charged kiss,
forcing them both to fight for air. When his lips lost their hold on her, his
eyes opened, and he found those rich brandy pools staring up at him, completely
filled with her obvious desire for him. He could not imagine why, but he felt
an overpowering need to lay kisses down onto her eyes, and as he leaned into
her, her lids fluttered closed to grant him that gift.
When he
lifted back up, she slowly opened her eyes once more and found his gaze
instantly. He was certain that he could see years of worry and pain melting
away from those dark orbs as he held her attention in that moment. As the faint
and tender smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, he felt his heart
constrict with the power of that expression on his soul.
She
reached her arms up and wrapped them around his neck, pulling herself up to him
and laying the lightest of kisses across his bare chin, and then trailed them
down along his jaw until she reached his ear. When he heard her breathy plea,
he was lost once again in the depth of his desire.
With the
comfort that came from experience, he slowly slid into her center, feeling her
arms grasp tightly to his neck as she held onto him with all of her might. He
slipped his arms underneath her back and rested his weight on his elbows before
moving to thrust into her.
Grissom
dropped his mouth down into the crook of her neck and drew from the warmth of
her embrace and as he began to move inside of her. Her left leg grazed over the
back of his right calf, making its ascent with each stroke, until it rested
around his back, giving him full and unrestrained access to deepen his thrusts,
while holding her to him as closely as she could.
Her
strained and gasping words into his ear urged him on, building his arousal and
need with each touch of her breath over his skin. The energy they were
expending in their union dripped from their superheated skin in the form of
perspiration. Their skin, even slicked with sweat, burned from the friction
they created through their fiery joining.
His
entire world evaporated in those moments, dwindling down to nothing but that
small space in which they were entwined. He could hear only their panting
breaths, see only her skin, feel only her body pressed into him, surrounding
him, smell only the evidence of their arousal, and taste only the salt on her
skin. She was his world, his life, his present, his past, his future, his
everything. When he felt her begin to contract around him on the next thrust it
all exploded into infinite time and space, leaving him floating in the abyss,
everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
When he
finally came back to himself, he was collapsed on top of her, as she slowly
massaged her fingers through his closely cropped hair. A smile crept across his
lips, and he felt the world come back into focus. His arms moved to take her up
into his embrace and then he rolled them over onto his side.
He felt her
smile into his neck, and he moved his right hand up to stroke her hair, as his
left continued to hold her to his body. Grissom moved his head back until he
could see her face once again, and he found her looking back at him with a
weary smile. “Welcome back.”
He
smirked at her usual remark. She had been giving him the same greeting since
that first time they had shared his bed. It had become a ritual of sorts, just
her way of letting him know that everything was okay, that he was safe with
her, that she understood his loss of control, and that she was still there
waiting for him to return to himself.
“Hi.” He
bent his head down to kiss her forehead and then pulled her closer to him.
It was
usually in those moments that she would begin to talk, to tell him some story
from her past. But she simply rested her head on his chest, breathing slowly in
and out. When the silence finally became too much for him, he asked, “Sara?”
“Hmmmm…” She snuggled in under his arm as he lay back in the
bed.
He took a
deep breath and forged ahead, “Not feeling like talking today?”
She
pushed up from his chest to look him right in the eye. “That’s a strange
question.”
He sat up
a little and scooted back until he got the pillow under his shoulders. “Well,
usually I am treated to a little glimpse into your life, um…after.”
She
smirked at his obvious discomfort with the topic, but then he watched as a shy
blush crept its way into her cheeks. Sara fell back into his chest and began to
nervously trace circles around his nipple. “I do have something of a reputation
for over-talking around you, you know.”
He knew
it was more than that, and he tried to find out what it was, “Sar-”
“I was
afraid of the silence, and I didn’t want you to think I didn’t trust you… so I
guess I tried to fill the space with stories.” She stopped her fingers for an
instant, and then finally blurted out, “And I figured if I kept talking, you
would be too polite to ask me to leave.”
The
breath he had not been aware he was holding was quickly expelled in the sigh he
released. “And to think… I was worried that you were trying to find a way to
make me fall asleep so you could slip away quietly.”
She
instantly thumped his chest at the joke, but he pulled her into his embrace and
started another tradition, as he told her about the first time he went to a
Cubs game. They took turns sharing stories until they both drifted off to
sleep, soundly in each other’s arms.
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